As she sat in the sterile white room, the nurse asked Claire a fifth time, just to be certain.
The room was clean and cold, and as Claire was sitting there she remembered how angry the baby’s father was when he first found out about the pregnancy. He flew Claire down to Brisbane straight away to have an abortion. However, when she got into that room and the nurse asked a final time if this was what she truly wanted… she put her foot down.
When she found out that she was pregnant, Claire was 18. She had just come up to Townsville from Western Australia to study a Bachelor of Science at James Cook University and was living with her high school sweetheart.
Now 22-year-old, Claire appears bright and carefree on the outside, just like any other girl her age. And she is; except for one small difference: she is a single mother with a two-year-old son.
“I was a typical 18-year-old… drinking a lot and partying… attempting to study, pretending I was getting a degree,” she says.
“When I found out I was pregnant it changed everything; you can’t live that kind of lifestyle anymore.
“I started to work to save money for when the baby arrived because the father was useless and wasn’t interested, it wasn’t something that he wanted at all.”
That was the point when she realised that she was in this alone.
“It was really hard because you stress about how you are going to afford everything, how you are going to take care of this child, if and how you are going to give this kid a perfect life,” she says.
“You want to be the best mother that you can be and that starts at pregnancy.
“I got very sick during my pregnancy; it almost killed me due to medical complications and I had to stop working altogether.”
She knew that she couldn’t rely on the father, not only because of his reaction to hearing that she was pregnant, but also because she discovered he had been unfaithful both before and after the pregnancy.
“I went onto Centrelink single parent payments, which helped but it wasn’t a very nice feeling knowing that you’re living off someone else’s tax money… you don’t get anything out of it in that sense.”
“The baby’s dad ended up coming around wanting to be involved, at least that’s what I thought at the time, but in reality, it only lasted until about three months after the baby was born.”
When the baby was about two years old Claire decided that it was time to go back to work. She managed to find work at CASA lounge bar on Flinders Street and worked almost every night. From 5 till 11 during the week and starting later on Fridays and Saturdays, working until nearly 3am.
“It was hard because I’d miss out on every night with the baby, I’d miss out on those bath times, bedtime cuddles, stories and stuff like that,” she says, her voice shaking.
“That’s precious time.
“I’m only ever going to have the one kid and I feel like I’ve missed out on such a massive chunk of time with him even though I have him all the time during the day, those little losses really add up.”
Claire soon quit her job there and went next door to the Show Bar to work mixing drinks behind the bar.
“I started work later, which meant I got to spend more time with the baby,” she says with a small smile.
However, this meant she would finish work even later, instead of finishing at 10pm or 11pm during the week; she’d finish at 3am and 5am on weekends.
This meant losing all of Saturday and Sunday with her son because after working a 9-hour shift Claire was too exhausted to do much more than sleep.
“You lose a lot of time picking whether money is more important so you can give your child absolutely everything they need or whether you struggle and spend more time with your child,” she says.
“I’m still at Show bar, still doing the long hours and trying to balance my time with Bubba and not sleep so much during the day.”
Claire says that that choice may be the hardest of all of her decisions regarding Bubba and that she has had to learn to be good at multitasking.
“His Dad doesn’t pay child support so I’m still very much struggling with being a single parent – it’s a very hard struggle … but its worth it… some days,” she says laughing softly.
Claire doesn’t have any biological family in Townsville but she is lucky enough to have a lot of amazing friends who are willing to pitch in.
“I can call them at 2 in the morning and be like this is happening or I need you for this and they’re there in a heartbeat,” she says smiling with confidence.
“I never have to worry about whether I have to struggle and be alone with no support for Bubba because I know if anything ever happens to me he has a family in Townsville.”
Claire never knew her father and unfortunately doesn’t have any relationship with her mother, who still lives in Perth. She is close with her Pop but he fell a couple of weeks ago and is currently in a coma. Although she is barely financially stable herself, when a family member, who she was close to, passed away a couple of weeks ago her mother refused to help, and responsibility fell to her.
“That was really tough because you only have a certain amount of savings and you put that away for your kid or emergencies that come up,” she says sighing.
“It made it really difficult and it made everyday bills really hard.
“It made feeding bubba and myself really hard and there would be nights where I wouldn’t eat… I would just feed him because he is more important than my own needs… as a mother, that’s how you see it.”
Claire says that it will take a couple of months to get back on her feet, however, through all of the hardship, she doesn’t have any regret.
“Every day, everything with that kid, the terrible moments, the great moments, the why did I have children moments,” she says.
“Everything… Anyone with a kid will know that every day with your kid makes it worth it.”
Sophie Elizabeth Dillon 